Having skillful conversations in an age of organised chaos

Imagine a busy Monday morning. You wake up to the sound of your alarm going off, scurry about in your room to get ready for the long day ahead, and hurry to your workplace just in time, or even late at times :)

Or imagine sitting in a very busy restaurant, with waiters serving the customers, hurrying to and fro, table to table. Oh! and the kitchens! An ever so organized chaos. Social order and disorder at a glimpse!

From the hustle and bustle at home to the way we manage our way through the ever increasing traffic, it’s a chaotic world we live in. But with chaos comes clarity. Clarity of its nature. This chaos that keeps us on the edge. This very chaos, that breeds opportunity. How wonderfully controlled, how wonderfully organized! It's in the air we breathe and the news we read. It partakes in the food we eat and the beverages we drink. It's everywhere, and ever-increasing, all the time!

It's an age where its easy to get lost in the screens of our smartphones, an age where organic and skillful conversations rarely happen. 

But what is a skillful conversation?

Well, to understand it better, let's focus on what we already know.

Conversations are a part and parcel of our lives.

Be it a verbal or non-verbal conversation, a casual talk with our friends, virtual and real-life chats about common interests and hobbies, pep-talks or full blown debates pertaining to pivotal events; everybody has had conversations about things known and unknown, seen and unseen.

Interactions

Be it formal, or informal, friendly or heated; the conversations we make are a reflection of the way we think, act, feel and understand the world.

So, while a discussion is a form of conversation, an argument is also a conversation. A debate is a form of conversation, an altercation is also a form of conversation.

Its these human interactions that give rise to understanding, friendship, peace, love and even life itself.

Unfortunately, with human interactions also arise misunderstandings, enmity, conflicts, hatred, anger, aversion, and even loss of lives.

Heedfulness

As you can see, a conversation can have different outcomes. On closer inspection, one may realize that these outcomes depend on the way the participants interact with each other.

Thus, conversations can be unskillful (or ineffective, unfruitful, unwholesome) and they can be skillful too.

An example of an ineffective conversation would be of those Kings who discussed a matter with their subjects, and advanced to a point of view heedlessly. If anyone differed from the King on that point, the King was apt to punish them, if not behead them.

Another example would be a discussion between fools, or drunkards, or liars regarding a topic. After having exchanged their views on the topic, one or the other doesn’t sum up the facts in his mind (knows what is right, yet doesn’t accept it). Thus there is no unraveling  or any realization. Rather, there are accusations, and thus arguments ensue. Such is the nature of unskillful discussions.

So what is a skillful conversation? A skillful discussion is one that gives rise to friendship. Like two scholars discussing a matter. When two scholars discuss, there is a summing up of facts and an unraveling, a realization One or other is shown to be in error. He admits his mistake, yet he does not become angry. Such is the nature of a skillful conversation.

In today's chaotic world, you may think that having an effective conversation is harder than ever.

But it is really very easy!

Just Let Go

Once we let go of our insecurities, fear, our cooked up feelings of embarrassment, reservations, and the overwhelming sense of self-importance, we find that having skillful conversations is not just easy, but calming too! Such a conversation helps us understand our friends better and our-selves better.

It can help us converse with our friends in a better way, can help us gain more knowledge and wisdom, can bring a positive behavioral change, can get us or our friends out of a crisis, and even help save lives.

So let go of the cooked up fears, and converse with your friends freely. Always focus on 'What is right' rather than focusing on 'Who is right'. That's the mantra for an effective conversation leading to only and only growth.

I'm certain there are many here among us who feel the same way.

Also, in the wake of the recent unrestful events, many people from various walks of life, like the Film industry are taking drastic steps like suicide.

I would like to say that if you feel like you're having a crisis, reach out to your family, friends, relatives, loved ones, acquaintances, or anybody that you think would help you.

Take care and Stay safe!